Why do some married couples argue most of the time especially a short time after marriage? Does it mean there is something wrong with the marriage? Can such a situation improve? Marriage is a holy institution created by God. Two people from different backgrounds have come to spend their lives together. Therefore, marriage is built every day. Couples still need to learn and understand each other. They must grow together. No marriage partners can fully understand each other at a distance. But now you are together. Nothing can be hidden for long now. You are close to each other. Each other’s weaknesses are now easily exposed. So we need to be committed to each other because of our deep love. We need to be patient with each other.
Gen 1:26 And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.
Gen 1:27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.
Gen 1:28 And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.
God created everything. He created people and made them to work together with Him. God created them to resemble Him. People were created to build the human race by having children. They were to fill the earth with people who would be like God. The rest of creation was meant to be under their rule and control. However, the first task was to build up each other.
According to verse 27, God created male and female. He wanted us to form a complete union and each giving what the other does not have. That means the husband and the wife are meant for each other. So they need to help build each other to be better children of God with good and pleasing lives. 1 Corinthians 11:11 tells us, “As far as the Lord is concerned, men and women need each other.” A man needs a woman and a woman needs a man. We complement each other in life. So no one can do without the other for life to be complete.
Meeting needs of the whole person
Each marriage partner was meant to meet all the needs of his partner. The whole person consists of spirit, soul, and body. Marriage is not only for meeting sexual needs of your spouse. But it is for meeting all of the needs. There is a need to support each other fully. Marriage is also a spiritual relationship. Husband and wife are to seek God together. Pray and share the Word together. You encourage each other. You were meant to be friends. Be there for each other all the time. Share your love and share in each other’s duties. Talk to each other every day. Share what happened to each other during the day. Open your heart to each other.
Marriage is also a relationship of the body. As husband and wife you must also become one in body. Sleeping together is great and good if you are spiritually one. God created sex for a husband and wife to enjoy. This is an expression of the joy you have in each other. Do not deprive each other of such a beautiful and enjoyable experience. In case there is something wrong that might hinder such an expression, be open and honest to each other and fix it quickly. Otherwise your marriage will suffer and it might lead to disastrous actions and consequences. Keeping quiet when there is a problem does not help anybody. There should be no pretense in marriage because it will soon come out and will be noticeable to all. If there is a need for outside help, shout for it. Do not suffer alone for long.
Marriage is a responsibility
“Just as iron sharpens iron, friends sharpen the minds of each other.” (Proverbs 27:17). We can learn from this scripture that God gave the spouse to the other to teach, form, and build up each other. Each spouse must be happy that God gave you a marriage partner. So a man must accept his manhood and the woman her womanhood. Each must fulfill his or her role in the marriage.
What is the role of the husband?
The husband must be willing to stand by and support his wife with the abilities God gave to him as a man. With love and understanding, the husband must guide his wife. The husband needs to work and supply the needs of the family. He should listen to the challenges faced by his wife and offer advice. As the husband becomes always available to help his wife, the wife will grow more and more and become mature.
What is the role of the wife?
It is important for the wife to be willing to stand by her husband with the abilities the Lord gave her as a woman. The wife needs to support her husband faithfully and encourage him. A man also needs to be encouraged. The wife should not be deceived by the fact that a man appears and looks strong. Circumstances come and shake a man, so he also needs to be encouraged. A wife also needs to cook nice food for the man and ensure he is properly and neatly clothed. The more the wife supports and encourage her husband, the better he will work.
If the wife is happy, it proves that the man fulfills his duties properly. If a man does his work properly, it proves that the wife supports him in love. This is how God calls the husband and wife to build each other up in marriage. On the other hand, if each of the spouses is complaining, it means the other is not fulfilling his or her role. It means there is no proper support. Iron sharpens iron. This means the husband and wife must accept marriage as a responsibility. That is why God wants people to marry.
The order of marriage
“Now I want you to know that Christ is the head over all men, and a man is the head over a woman. But God is the head over Christ.” (1 Corinthians 11:3). Let me indicate that there is order in marriage. As husband and wife, work together. But note that the husband is the leader according to God. That means he is the first one to serve his wife and ensure that they serve God together. The wife needs to follow the husband’s guidance. The husband is in a leadership role in serving each other, serving the Lord and other people.
From this we learn that God is calling the husband to be strong in the marriage. He is expected to take responsibility for their life together. God is calling the strong man to always act in a friendly and loving way towards his wife. He must recognize her as his helper and advisor. The wife is called to act in a mature manner. She is expected to accept her husband’s guidance. She should help him as he carries out his responsibilities and service. Help him to be a good leader.
Children in a marriage
“Children are a blessing and a gift from the LORD.” (Psalm 127:3). As a couple receive the children with which God blesses you. They should be your joy. Bring them up for the Lord. Bringing children up is part of our task in marriage. It becomes easier to raise children up if parents are one as husband and wife and if they are both Christians. Children are happy if they see that you as husband and wife love each other. That way they feel safe.
Children bring a bigger responsibility in the marriage. Husband must ensure that they have food, clothes, and school funds are paid. The wife must ensure the children are well taken care of as they grow up. Husband and wife should form the characters of the children. They must both teach the children by both example and by words. Parents must help children to love the Lord. They must pray regularly. In all these we need the Lord’s help and guidance.
Now, we have seen that marriage was created by God so we could enjoy a balanced life. As husband and wife we should enjoy each other even as we execute both our individual and joint responsibilities. We should properly support each other and help bring up our children. As a partner in the marriage, you need to ensure that you carry out your duties. Ask God’s help to do that. Love and support your spouse. One day you shall give an account of how you lived your life and how you played your role. If you neglected some of your duties and responsibilities, it is not too late. You can still correct things with the help of the Lord.
Blessings in Jesus Name?