Why do some married couples argue most of the time
especially a short time after marriage? Does it mean there is something wrong
with the marriage? Can such a situation improve? Marriage is a holy institution
created by God. Two people from different backgrounds have come to spend their
lives together. Therefore, marriage is built every day. Couples still need to
learn and understand each other. They must grow together. No marriage partners
can fully understand each other at a distance. But now you are together.
Nothing can be hidden for long now. You are close to each other. Each other’s weaknesses
are now easily exposed. So we need to be committed to each other because of our
deep love. We need to be patient with each other.
Gen 1:26 And
God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have
dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the
cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth
upon the earth.
Gen
1:27 So God created man in his own
image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.
Gen
1:28 And God blessed them, and God said
unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it:
and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and
over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.
God created everything. He created people and made them
to work together with Him. God created them to resemble Him. People were
created to build the human race by having children. They were to fill the earth
with people who would be like God. The rest of creation was meant to be under
their rule and control. However, the first task was to build up each other.
According to verse
27, God created male and female. He wanted us to form a complete union and
each giving what the other does not have. That means the husband and the wife are
meant for each other. So they need to help build each other to be better
children of God with good and pleasing lives. 1 Corinthians 11:11 tells us, “As
far as the Lord is concerned, men and women need each other.” A man needs a
woman and a woman needs a man. We complement each other in life. So no one can
do without the other for life to be complete.
Meeting
needs of the whole person
Each marriage partner was meant to meet all the needs of his
partner. The whole person consists of spirit, soul, and body. Marriage is not
only for meeting sexual needs of your spouse. But it is for meeting all of the
needs. There is a need to support each other fully. Marriage is also a
spiritual relationship. Husband and wife are to seek God together. Pray and
share the Word together. You encourage each other. You were meant to be
friends. Be there for each other all the time. Share your love and share in each
other’s duties. Talk to each other every day. Share what happened to each other
during the day. Open your heart to each other.
Marriage is also a relationship of the body. As husband
and wife you must also become one in body. Sleeping together is great and good
if you are spiritually one. God created sex for a husband and wife to enjoy. This
is an expression of the joy you have in each other. Do not deprive each other
of such a beautiful and enjoyable experience. In case there is something wrong
that might hinder such an expression, be open and honest to each other and fix
it quickly. Otherwise your marriage will suffer and it might lead to disastrous
actions and consequences. Keeping quiet when there is a problem does not help anybody.
There should be no pretense in marriage because it will soon come out and will
be noticeable to all. If there is a need for outside help, shout for it. Do not
suffer alone for long.
Marriage
is a responsibility
“Just
as iron sharpens iron, friends sharpen the minds of each other.” (Proverbs 27:17). We can learn from this
scripture that God gave the spouse to the other to teach, form, and build up
each other. Each spouse must be happy that God gave you a marriage partner. So
a man must accept his manhood and the woman her womanhood. Each must fulfill
his or her role in the marriage.
What
is the role of the husband?
The husband must be willing to stand by and support his
wife with the abilities God gave to him as a man. With love and understanding,
the husband must guide his wife. The husband needs to work and supply the needs
of the family. He should listen to the challenges faced by his wife and offer
advice. As the husband becomes always available to help his wife, the wife will
grow more and more and become mature.
What
is the role of the wife?
It is important for the wife to be willing to stand by
her husband with the abilities the Lord gave her as a woman. The wife needs to
support her husband faithfully and encourage him. A man also needs to be
encouraged. The wife should not be deceived by the fact that a man appears and looks
strong. Circumstances come and shake a man, so he also needs to be encouraged.
A wife also needs to cook nice food for the man and ensure he is properly and
neatly clothed. The more the wife supports and encourage her husband, the
better he will work.
If the wife is happy, it proves that the man fulfills his
duties properly. If a man does his work properly, it proves that the wife
supports him in love. This is how God calls the husband and wife to build each
other up in marriage. On the other hand, if each of the spouses is complaining,
it means the other is not fulfilling his or her role. It means there is no
proper support. Iron sharpens iron. This means the husband and wife must accept
marriage as a responsibility. That is why God wants people to marry.
The
order of marriage
“Now I want you to know that Christ is the head over all men, and a man is the head over a woman. But God is the head over Christ.” (1 Corinthians 11:3). Let me indicate that there is order in marriage. As husband and wife, work together. But note that the husband is the leader according to God. That means he is the first one to serve his wife and ensure that they serve God together. The wife needs to follow the husband’s guidance. The husband is in a leadership role in serving each other, serving the Lord and other people.
From this we learn that God is calling the husband to be
strong in the marriage. He is expected to take responsibility for their life
together. God is calling the strong man to always act in a friendly and loving
way towards his wife. He must recognize her as his helper and advisor. The wife
is called to act in a mature manner. She is expected to accept her husband’s
guidance. She should help him as he carries out his responsibilities and
service. Help him to be a good leader.
Children
in a marriage
“Children
are a blessing and a gift from the LORD.” (Psalm 127:3). As a couple receive the
children with which God blesses you. They should be your joy. Bring them up for
the Lord. Bringing children up is part of our task in marriage. It becomes
easier to raise children up if parents are one as husband and wife and if they
are both Christians. Children are happy if they see that you as husband and
wife love each other. That way they feel safe.
Children bring a bigger responsibility in the marriage.
Husband must ensure that they have food, clothes, and school funds are paid.
The wife must ensure the children are well taken care of as they grow up.
Husband and wife should form the characters of the children. They must both
teach the children by both example and by words. Parents must help children to
love the Lord. They must pray regularly. In all these we need the Lord’s help
and guidance.
Now, we have seen that marriage was created by God so we could enjoy a balanced life. As husband and wife we should enjoy each other even as we execute both our individual and joint responsibilities. We should properly support each other and help bring up our children. As a partner in the marriage, you need to ensure that you carry out your duties. Ask God’s help to do that. Love and support your spouse. One day you shall give an account of how you lived your life and how you played your role. If you neglected some of your duties and responsibilities, it is not too late. You can still correct things with the help of the Lord.
Blessings in Jesus Name?