Dating
is a stage of romantic and/or sexual relationships in humans whereby two or
more people meet socially, possibly as friends or with the aim of each
assessing the other's suitability as a partner in a more committed intimate
relationship or marriage according to
Wikipedia. Now, if we talk about dating, what comes
to your mind? Well, there are different views when it comes to the issue of
dating especially believers. Some say it is not good for Christians; whilst
others say it is good just like it is for any other person regardless of
religious beliefs. Both arguments have valid points. However, the challenge is
with the conclusion an argument draws. We shall look at the two arguments and
then draw a conclusion. According
to Wikipedia, dating is a stage of romantic and/or sexual relationships in
humans whereby two or more people meet socially, possibly as friends or with
the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as a partner in a more
committed intimate relationship
or marriage.
The
argument against dating
The
conclusion against dating is as a result of the negative tendencies according
to the proponents of this argument. Here are some of the tendencies:
1)
Dating does not necessarily lead to commitment but to intimacy. Becoming
intimate without commitment to each other is not desired for various reasons.
2)
Dating tends to skip a very important stage of a relationship, which is
friendship. Friendship is very important and it should precede a committed love
relationship.
3)
The dating couple substitutes the love relationship for a physical
relationship. It has been noted some people quickly enter into a sexual
relationship before understanding what true love is.
4)
Dating isolates a couple from other important relationships most of the time.
5)
In most cases, dating distracts young adults from their primary responsibility
of preparing for the future.
6)
God’s gift of singleness gets overlooked. Dating tends to cause discontentment
with singleness and yet it is also a wonderful stage of life.
The
argument for dating
May
it be indicated that as much as the problems indicated in the argument against
dating are valid and genuine, they are not necessarily caused by dating in
itself but by the people involved in it. That means if one avoids dating, it
does not mean the stated problems will be cured. The cure for such problems is
the same as that of other life issues. What is the cure of life issues? The
Bible is. The Bible is needed to ensure spiritual growth and maturity as much
as it is needed in handling relationship issues. The problem lies with the
issue of values and characters of the people involved. Avoiding dating cannot
remove such problems if they exist in the lives of these people who are dating.
There has to be set boundaries during the dating period.
What
are the benefits of dating?
1)
People get the opportunity to learn about themselves, others, and relationships
before commitment.
This provides a safe context. One gets time to discover the opposite sex and
skills on issues of relationship. This must be done around people who care
about you. This may include your parents, friends, youth pastor, coach, and
others.
2)
Provides a context for working through issues. That which people value now may
change overtime. What you value now may not be good for you in the future. So
dating allows you to discover your long term values. You might not marry the
person you first loved. Why? Some changes take place as you discover yourself.
3)
Relationship skills are built
Some
necessary skills are not learned in families. A lot of work and skills are
required in intimate relationships. Communications, trust, listening, sacrifice
and honesty issues arise during the dating period. You become aware of your
immaturity. You get to learn about relationship and how one function in a
relationship.
4)
It heals and repairs
Some
people pass through hurts when they are young. They may have missed an
opportunity to be loved. You find that they never experienced love. During
dating they start feeling loved and accepted. That way they receive healing
from someone that accepts and nurture them. The interesting thing is that many
people do not marry their first love. This first relationship tends to be an
environment for growth and healing to some. These singles get prepared for their
final love relationship.
5)
Dating is relational and has value in itself.
Some
people use others selfishly in dating. They use it for self-gratification.
However, some enjoy knowing the other person. So they give and receive in a
godly way, interestingly not in a way that leads to marriage. Unmarried people
do not share parts of themselves as they are expected to restrain from sexual
intimacy. That is true love. Love that rushes to sex before knowing each other
and getting married later is not true love.
6)
You get to know your likes and dislikes in the opposite sex
There
is so much that one learns about relationships during dating. One might desire
to get something opposite what he experienced from relationship in a family
situation. But he may discover that for a love relationship there is more than
what he is making up for. You may discover that the attributes you thought you
needed are not necessarily what is good for you.
7)
You learn self-control and delay of some other gratifications
Some
people think that a love relationship is just about sex. Sex needs to be
forgone in dating. First learn to relate and to care for each other without
sex. Once you mature in that first, there will be fewer problems once you get
married. After getting married you can then climax your love with sex. Let
there be boundaries in your dating and that will protect both of you. There is
time for everything according to Ecclesiastes
3:1, “To every thing
there is
a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.”
There is a good reason for dating. Dating in itself is not evil or bad. Immature people overstep boundaries and then bad consequences follow. Handled with care, dating can lead to a fulfilling love life that will last. First learn each other and become friends and discover if indeed you are compatible for marriage. If you feel that you are not good together, terminate the relationship. Set boundaries help you both not to be clouded and then think you are in a true love relationship. Once you have developed the relationship and are both satisfied that you were meant for each other, you can commit to each other and then get married. After that you can start enjoying sex.
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