Setting dating boundaries is very important. What is a boundary? I am
sure there are different things that come to mind when you hear the
word ‘boundaries’. What we mean here is having something like a fence
around your property. It shows where your property ends and someone
else’s starts. So it is a property line. This is very important for
dating to go well. That takes us back to the fact that dating is not a
problem but the problem lies with the two people involved. Lack of
dating boundaries results in problems. Note that dating is experimental.
It is important therefore for the two people not to put lots of
emotional investment into a relationship as they date. Failure to guard
against this is dangerous if the dating does not finally lead to a
marriage relationship.
Dating brings about two important issues.
These are freedom and responsibility. Once there is a problem on these
two things, dating will not go well. Freedom is about the ability to
make choices, which are based on values not guilt or fear. Commitments
should be a free choice. Responsibility means ability to carry out tasks
that ensure a healthy and loving relationship. Each of the dating
candidates must be able to say no to anything that violates his values.
Dating should be about love. True love must be properly guarded so that
it may mature and then deep commitments to each other may follow. In
order for this to happen, freedom and responsibility are necessary.
“There
is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear
hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.” (1 John
4:18).
“But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ”(Ephesians 4:15).
Establishing and keeping good limits can result in a great love relationship.
How do boundaries help in a love relationship?
1) They define you
Boundaries
show who you are and who you are not. Things with which you agree and
disagree will be clear when there are boundaries. With dating boundaries
in place, problems will be prevented before they happen. It is
important to clarify your values, morals and preferences. Then it
becomes easier to solve problems. Let people define you according to
your own definitions of yourself.
2) Boundaries protect you
They
enable you to keep in the things you want and keep out those you do not
want. With the dating boundaries, toxic and unhealthy influences by
people are kept out of your life. So you are not exposed to such toxic
influences.
“Those who are prudent see danger and take refuge, but the naïve continue on and suffer the consequences.” (Proverbs 17:12).
Boundaries
help protect your heart. So you know what to let in and what to keep
out. Within yourself, you have good treasures to guard and nurture. They
include sincere love, which is your deepest capacity to trust and
connect with others. You have your emotions to protect, which enable you
to own your feelings and not allow someone else’s feelings to control
you. Furthermore, you have your own important things, which we call
values. Your life must express and reflect what you deeply care about.
There is a need to have control over how you act in your dating
relationship. So you have your own behaviors. Have freedom to express
your own stances and opinions about yourself and your date. You have
your own attitudes and you are the only one that is responsible for what
is inside your boundaries. Your life is like a garden. So you need to
weed out what is not important and that which is toxic. Nurture the good
and develop it.
We note that boundaries are important when
dating. If you had not set your own, develop them now. They are
important. They will define and protect you. You will keep your dignity
no matter what finally comes out of the dating exercise. You are
valuable. Keep your values. Those are the things you care about.
For a dating program, contact us at lifesolutionstraining@gmail.com.
This blog is about a Life Coach Program. Everyone needs a Coach in life. A Life Coach helps you achieve your life goals quicker than you would do alone.So this is the place to be.
Friday, January 20, 2017
Why are Boundaries Important in Dating?
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Elphas Sipho Mdluli
Small Business/Executives & Marriage Coach. Also Senior Pastor and Visionary of Freedom Centre International Church in Swaziland. Previously worked as General Manager of a financial institution.
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